I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize