I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
is it fun? or sober?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
