I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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