I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
