do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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