what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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