Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
