Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize