I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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