oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
