Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
