Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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