her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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