giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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