Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thank you for not boning my boss.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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