the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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