the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
