Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
