OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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