I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
