is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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