remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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