just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
