dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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