We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
