I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
