Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
