I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
