have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
