I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
