apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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