He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
