That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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