if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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