imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
