Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
