I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
