I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A+ Viking dick
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
