Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize