No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
