He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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