If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
