Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
be right there i have to get my cape
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
