Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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