My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
