im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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