I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My feet surprised me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
