I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
