I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
