I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Someone came in the potted fern
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
