Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
