I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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