Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
