dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
