I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
