He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
