Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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