omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
