I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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