Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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