Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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