At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize