apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
