She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You took a bar mat shot.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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