id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
