also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
