i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
