I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
