Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
