I'm lost and stupid without you.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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