Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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