When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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