my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize