Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
