my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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