she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
