it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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