she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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