i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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