i jhust puked up my retainher.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
