I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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