I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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