He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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