god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
