I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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