I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
