Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
