In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pants are for mortals
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
