come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
