I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize