you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
