turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
