That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
