So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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